Is your ex a narcissist and you have to co-parent with him or her? First, you must bear in mind that co-parenting peacefully with a narcissist is an almost impossible task. However, you can survive it and have no regrets.
You have to play your cards in a way that puts you in control but allows your ex to assume they are in control of the situation. While this may be a somewhat convoluted idea to think of, the point here is that you know just how big your ex’s ego is and you never want to forget that. You already are aware that arguing with a narcissist is a list battle even from the beginning because they are always correct.
You simply need to set up boundaries which take your child/children’s well being and interest into account every step of the way
You may find yourself trying to avoid quarrels in front of your child anytime your ex is around or trying no to yell on the phone just because you don’t want to appear bitter. All those feelings won’t go away so you have to forgive this person for all the wrongs they did you in the past as the pain may cloud your judgment.
Once you stop hating them, you discover that co-parenting can be done with a clear head and firmness without you feeling guilty or always making excuses in your head for things you shouldn’t be sorry for. You need to stop caring about your ex’s needs and focus on helping your child build a stable and loving relationship with both of you. If there are any characters your child needs to know about, they will discover along the way as your ex reveals who they are while you stay in charge of the situation.
Make sure to finalize parenting order (very vital)
The primary rule for anyone (male or female) who has to deal with a narcissistic ex is to ensure that parenting orders are finalized and clearly made available in black and white. There is no guarantee that your ex will abide by the order, but it will save you any semblance of blackmail that may be targeted at you. Some things you shouldn’t be surprised to see your narcissistic ex trying to do is bully, threaten, and blackmail you once you get separated. And also, the narcissist is aware that your weak spot is the child or children and they always want to hit right there on that spot.
If you push enough and have parenting orders finalized legally, you will be saving yourself a lot of trouble and putting your ex in a position where they feel disarmed.
Basic truths to understand about co-parenting with a narcissist
1. You will always be the cause of the separation
Whether your relationship or marriage to your narcissistic ex ended as a result of domestic violence, greed, anger issues, reckless, vulgar, or any other bad behavior from their part, fingers will always be pointed at you. A narcissist naturally feels like a superior human regardless of who they are dealing with. No matter what it was that they had done that must have caused the split; they always find a way to blame you for it.
Recognize that this is who they are and nothing you say will change that. They will never take the blame for anything even if it was caught on camera.
2. They must prove to be the fun patent and make you look uptight
The basic and important things such as taking the kids to school early, picking them up as soon as school is closed, taking them for a doctor’s appointment and other mundane things will never be part of your narcissistic ex’s schedule. They’ll always be too busy to do any of the stuff at the right time, and that may affect your child’s schedule. Get ready for things like unplanned trips on school days simply because your ex wants you to look bad by saying no. Be firm with your ex so you can ensure your child doesn’t have to live a scattered life because of their selfishness. Make your child understand that something is important and that includes doing the right thing at the right time. It doesn’t make you less fun; it makes you organized.
3. Be the parent that chooses to lead by example (teach your child parenting with firming and love)
Whether you choose to accept it or not, your child is learning so much from his you handle things with the co-parent. Nobody wishes their child or children goes through the things they have had to go through, but it is good that your child prepares to tackle such a situation if it presents itself in the future.
Take for example, of your ex plans to go to the games with your child or plans a weekend trip then cancels at the dying minute, it will affect your child emotionally. This is a point most parents cease as an avenue to badmouth their ex, but you mustn’t be that kind of person. Instead of saying mean things about the co-parent when such an annoying situation occurs, take your child in your arms and pet them. Listen to your child as he expresses his feeling and anger about the situation but never agree with them. Don’t make them see your ex as a bad person who always wants to make them sad as this will affect the relationship they have. Allow your child to recognize that the co-parent is a mean, narcissistic, and selfish person but don’t let that happen because you repeatedly had to point it out. The older your child gets, the more they understand things for themselves and your ex cannot hold it against you.
4. Tips for handover
If your ex has to come to take your child for the weekend or for a holiday and you know he or she will want to cause trouble, simply tell them to stop and smile at your child. You can have a family member help you receive your child when they return so that you can avoid having troubles with your ex.
5. If your ex interferes with your communication with your kids, seek legal advice
If you notice that whenever you want to talk to the kids or see them, your ex stops you, then you must seek legal advice immediately because they may be saying things to make your child hate you. Always slow up for your kids and remind them of how much you love them. There no such thing as loving your child too much so go ahead and do the things a reasonable parent should do to prove you are present in your child’s life.