Far back in human history, sex was usually accomplished without use of toy aids or without knowledge that what one used at that time even had a name. However, sex has steadily with passage of time become more complex and eventually knowledge about sex is easily accessible to the masses who pondered why everyone else seems to be having a better sexual experience than they were.
Fifty Shades of Grey, a 125-minutes infomercial highlighting the sex toy industry, changed many people’s general thinking about sex, especially about sex toys. Consequently, all over the internet, sites are advertising “Best Sex Toys to Try Right Now” thereby creating a shortage of sex toys in towns and an ever-growing black market that deals with sex toys.
Knowing her readers like having their bread buttered, Life in The Boomer Lane present you “12 Sex Toys That Everybody Should try.” Furthermore, this site has also been hyped as a site which has lots of other nifty articles covering a wide range of issues which every cool individual must know about. Therefore, below are 12 sex toys you should always have in possession.
1. Uberlube is an ultimate lubrication and is also hypoallergenic. Additionally, it is gluten-free, peanut and soy-free. Nevertheless, its shortcoming is that it is tasteless thus unnoticeable bytaste buds with this sometimes being a hint of it being low-class and cheap. Subsequently, due to this, you cannot use it in case you need a snack, and nothing else is available.
2. Minna Ola which is a vibrator that is very smart hence should only be sold to people in Mensa. With its ‘memory vibration” patterns, it can duplicate a user’s preferred vibrations, and in case you need a break from continuous orgasming, you can use it to create musical interludes. Furthermore, a squeeze pad is present thereby removing incidences of fumbling around in darkness to locate a button. Despite LBL not knowing about you, she is still quite sure presence of light will not be helpful to you in locating a button on something which is only around eight inches long. (Note: The last statement was in no way planned to be a highly offensive and incorrect metaphor).
3. Blossom Sleeve is one device LBL will restrain from describing since it has nothing to do with either article of clothing or flowers.
4. Leyla Lylo 2 is a vibrator controlled by remote and can be started even when 39 feet away. Therefore, it is particularly helpful when you need sexual congress, and your companion is busy changing your cat’s litter, surfing the web, doing taxes, viewing Bo-taoshi finals on television from Japan or chatting with their mother.
5. Moregasmis is a book which discusses every topic concerning sex. Given that this book is only 272 pages, LBL is not even sure how these authors managed to pull this off considering that according to Cosmopolitan, the number of sexual positions alone is twice as many. Consequently, no other space is left to explain other kinds of stuff which everyone apart from you knows.
6. Babeland Massage Candle which is a product that does double-duty. The it burns like other candles and does what others do, but then through some complex scientific processes, you can safely paint or brush the molten wax directly on your companion as it is dripping off the wick. Nevertheless, it is unclear to LBL what you should do once covered with wax, but whatever you do, there will not be an issue while trying to remove wax hopefully using LBL’s costly tablecloth after your candlelit vacation dinner.
7. Candy Colored Glass Dildo which takes great strides to be quite different from the actual role that dildos are supposed to represent thus making it difficult for LBL to critic this dildo.
8. Je Joue Mio which LBL will leave it to you the reader to research on your own on this product. It is available at fine emporiums, for instance, Mr. Will’s House of Thrills, and this is not made up.
9. Blossom Organics Natural Moisturizing Lubricant which LBL identifies two lubricants on its list. Also, each lubricant plays its unique role in sex drama, and they should be used simultaneously by licensed and limited professionals.
10. Liberator Heart Wedge which is a red, heart-shaped pillow which lets you achieve various sexual positions highlighted in Moregasm. It is an ordinary cushion that has a red fabric and heart-shaped, a modern-day Dickie the Stick and this being an illustration of today’s excellent marketing. Moreover, it is also an economical purchase by consumers since you can use it to either decorate your dog’s bed or couch and nobody will realize what you have done.
11. Icicles Daisy Plug Like the Mio which LBL will let you carry out personal research on this product. However, her personal opinion is that it is pretty unpleasant to use the word “icicles” in combination with the word “plug.”
12. Je Joue Mimi which is somehow a flat vibrator and is usually held between two individuals who ideally know each other. Furthermore, it is not advisable to use it in situations where you are in a crush of people trying to leave a gig or on crowded subways.
All these products are meant for both mature and immature adults so long as you have money to purchase the product. Manufacturers does not care one bit who buys these sex toys.
A final remark to readers: In the entire 125 minutes which Fifty Shades of Grey drags along, amount of time spent on actual sex is only 14 minutes and 17 seconds translating to about 11 percent. Furthermore, deducting time spent setting up apparatus and breakdowns, technical failures, battery changes and time on hold so that actors can speak to technical assistant, definite time spent on sex sums up to less than 1.5 percent.
Therefore, knowing this, you should feel a lot better about whatever you do in your bedroom when you are done reading a good book, and nothing good is showing on television.